


Astra In-Ze, Earth's Worst Bartender

by DangersUntoldHardshipsUnnumbered



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Funny, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 15:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13461435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangersUntoldHardshipsUnnumbered/pseuds/DangersUntoldHardshipsUnnumbered
Summary: Astra tries to find a new vocation on Earth after the war is over.





	Astra In-Ze, Earth's Worst Bartender

Astra had to do something with herself after she killed Non and ended the war.  She had to make a living so she could move out of Kara’s very small apartment.  And the job market for aliens being what it was, she ended up working at the semi-secret alien bar downtown.  They needed a bartender, and they kind of liked that she was bulletproof, knew how to handle a firearm, that she looked good in black leather, and that she had that crazy rock and roll white streak in her hair.

There wasn’t much to it, you just had to learn to mix a bunch of drinks, and remember that the Brev’vosi Fire Wine was toxic to Altraxans, and that everything on that whole shelf on the top would literally kill humans almost instantly.

“We’re kind of not supposed to do that,” the Daxamite boy added.Smarmy, she thought.They hadn’t had a word for it on Krypton.The humans had such wonderful languages that burst with expression.Smarmy was the word.Alexandra had taught it to her when Mon-El was trying to get Kara to date him.It was such a pure, perfect word for the exact phenomenon that was a Daxamite male, brimming with unearned confidence.

Her first night on the job, Astra carefully listened to M’gann and memorized the drink recipes she was shown.  She was shown where to go to refill the ice trays and where additional glasses were kept if needed.  And then, she was more or less left to her own devices for a bit.

A Roojax freighter pilot came in, dropped his toolbelt onto the bar with a loud clatter and thunk, and gestured a heavy, clawed hand at Astra.“Bud Light,” he grunted.

She looked at the taps and reached for the nearest one.

“That’s Betelgeusean Ale!” he exclaimed.“Tastes like piss.”

“And yet you drink Bud Light,” M’gann observed.She quietly pointed to the correct tap, and Astra drew his beer, which was about half head.The Roojax took his drink and trudged away, grumbling.

“Watch out for that guy,” M’gann muttered when he’d walked away.“Nobody likes him. When he drinks, he gets a little handsy and aggressive.You might have to show him out.”

A sad looking Illarian girl who was literally blue scrambled up onto the stool.The shade varied from pale along her cheekbones to a dark sapphire along the crest that ran down her back.

“What can I get you?” Astra asked stiffly, as M’gann had shown her.

“I dunno,” the girl sighed.“What do you suggest for mending a broken heart?”

Astra looked at her with mild confusion.“I suggest a trip to the nearest medical facility.”

The girl shook her head.“No, I mean… my boyfriend dumped me, and I’m just feeling a little blue.”

Astra continued peering at her.“You are a little blue.Very blue, in fact.”

The girl began to grow exasperated.“I mean, sad.I’m sad.Depressed.Seriously?”She shook her head. “Just give me something that will get me drunk.”

Astra considered her.Illarians.M’gann had covered this.They liked that nasty green stuff in the small bottle underneath the bar.Astra poured off a shot and handed it to her.The girl looked it.It was bubbling in a way that Astra was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to but the girl was too exasperated to care, and she started drinking.

And for a short while, it looked as if this night might end up without major trouble.But then the Roojax and the Illyrian girl both had had enough to drink, and the Roojax was getting loud in the corner, picking a fight with the Zelenid who was choosing songs on the jukebox.The Roojax was not fond of the Rolling Stones, it turned out, which Astra viewed as another strike against him. 

M’gann came over and gently pulled her aside.“Listen, there’s a part of this you don’t seem to get.People want to talk to a bartender.They want to tell you their troubles.You’re supposed to listen.Make jokes occasionally.It’s not just about pouring drinks.”

Astra couldn’t remember any jokes.A priest, a doctor and a Wookiee walk into a bar… she couldn’t remember what happened after that.

The Zelenid chose some Neil Young, which pacified the Roojax momentarily.But nevertheless, he came to the bar, demanded another Bud Light, and then leaned into the Illyrian girl’s space, leering.“So, sweetheart, does that fin on the back of your neck go all the way down?”

The girl gave him a disgusted look and turned back to her cups.

He pounded a large scaly fist on the bar next to her.“Hey!Sweetheart!I’m talking to you!”He growled a little.“Don’t be rude.”

M’gann was in back, so Astra simply responded appropriately.“You,” she said coldly, “are being rude by bothering her when she wishes to be left alone.”

He snarled at her and then turned back to the girl.“You don’t wanna be alone, do you, sweetheart?You’re lonely, you could use a guy like me.Tell her.”

A few other people near the bar stopped and turned to see what Astra would do. 

The Illyrian girl stared at Astra desperately. 

In one swift movement, Astra slid over the top of the bar, grabbed the Roojax by the coveralls and hurled him through the front door. _Through_  the door.It splintered dramatically and the Roojax went tumbling out into the street, groaning and cursing.

A round of applause broke out.

M’gann fired her for destroying the door.Astra was fine with this, as she wasn’t sure she was cut out for this bartending thing anyway.But the two hours that she tended bar at that particular watering hole ensured that she was a legend there for a long time after.


End file.
